Step it up, fathers

I recently saw the movie “Courageous,” the latest film by Sherwood Baptist Church in Albany, Ga.

This movie challenges fathers to be the husbands and dads that God called them to be.

This really got me thinking about the job I’m doing, and I left the theater realizing that being a good enough father is not acceptable. I can do better. I must do better.

So how do we, as dads, do that? First, I think we need to realize what’s at stake. I recently attended a forum on the truancy problems here in West Virginia – although it’s a problem nationwide.

Two things I found out. One, truants aren’t high school kids who miss a half a year then drop out. Truancy often starts in elementary school because parents aren’t doing their jobs.

Second thing I learned is that in WV, 8 out of 10 prison inmates were truant at some point during their educational years.

Guess what? That 80 percent prison rate is about the same for those who grew up without a father either in the home or in their lives.

Let me be the first to say that I’m among the 20 percent. Parents divorced when I was 16, didn’t have much depth to the relationship with my dad until years later. Thankfully, our relationship is good now.

Most of you reading this aren’t a father who has bolted, although you may have had a dad like that. But just because we’re there, it begs the question of how well are we doing it. I think the quality and quantity balance is out of whack in some homes.

Jesus reminds us in the book of Matthew that our father in heaven knows our needs and not to worry about what we will eat or what we will wear.

God promised to provide our basic needs. Beyond that, his promise is that he’ll be with us each day of our lives.

It is best summed up in Deuteronomy 6 not only how to lead our families but the fruits of leading our families if we do it God's way.

“These are the commands, decrees and laws the LORD your God directed me to teach you to observe in the land that you are crossing the Jordan to possess, so that you, your children and their children after them may fear the LORD your God as long as you live by keeping all his decrees and commands that I give you, and so that you may enjoy long life.

"Hear, Israel, and be careful to obey so that it may go well with you and that you may increase greatly in a land flowing with milk and honey, just as the LORD, the God of your ancestors, promised you.

"Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.

"These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.

"Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates."

Why aren’t many of us dads fathering like that? We are working careers and often asking our wives to work careers to provide food and clothing… and vacations, and video game systems and cell phones and cars for our children. We sure are providing a lot, but we’re working such long, hard hours that the quality of time in the evenings and weekends may be suffering.

In “Don’t Waste Your Life” by author and pastor John Piper, he makes a specific point about how we are spending our time at home. If we define spending quality time with our children as everyone sitting around the television eating dinner and watching a movie – as happens in my home way too often – we are wasting precious time as dads.

Not that we have to spend our evenings reading the Bible for 4 hours with our kids. But is there time dedicated to prayer and scripture? Do we help our children, especially the young ones, understand who God the father is and who Jesus the savior is?

Do we dance with our daughters, play baseball in the backyard with our sons or pack a lunch and eat at the park with our families?

Do we engage our middle and high school children in conversations about their lives and the issues they are facing?

Do we sacrifice our children’s dance recitals, concerts and art exhibits to work overtime or extra shifts we don’t financially need?

We know that children of absentee fathers are more likely to become addicted to drugs and alcohol, skip school, drop out, commit a crime, join a gang and end up in prison.

I love my children and am committed to them and my wife. But if I don’t father and husband like God demonstrates and commands in scripture, then I’m taking a risk that my son and daughter will learn to grow up by the world’s standards and not by God’s standards.

That’s a risk I’m not willing to take.